Accepting criticism is easier said than done. In this Eye2Eye episode, Harbir Sian talks about his experience preparing for a talk on the most recognizable stages in the world. While getting ready for his TED Talk, Harbir was met with both incredible support and shocking criticism. The latter one he got just days before he was about to present. This could have gone terribly wrong but by accepting it and growing from it, he enjoyed a successful outcome. Listen in to hear more about the story.
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Eye2Eye: Accepting Criticism
Welcome back to another episode of the show, bringing clarity to optometry business and entrepreneurship. Thank you so much for taking the time to join me here to learn and grow. As always, I truly appreciate all the support. I'm trying to support all of you out there as well. I'm seeing amazing things happening on social media through other channels and so many of our colleagues doing amazing things so I'm trying, hopefully, to support everyone else the same way that everyone's been supporting me. Thank you for that.
We have an episode of Eye2Eye and if you haven't heard one of these before, this is a short segment where it's just me sharing some lessons that I've learned and continuing to learn throughout my career and personal life. Usually, we try to keep them short and to the point like I'm talking one-on-one with you here. Hopefully, there's something that you'll find in these episodes that you can apply to your lives as well whether it's your business, personal, career or education.
I'll title this episode something along the lines of constructive criticism. There are probably two main lessons that I want to share with you and they both came from one specific interaction or one short period. You may know that in December of 2021, I did a TEDx Talk. Please go check it out. I'm quite happy with the way it turned out. We've been getting so much positive feedback on it and how everything has gone there. I hope you enjoy that and find something valuable in that as well.
It's about a 10-minute talk so hopefully, you got 10 minutes to spare to watch that. When I was doing this preparation for this TED Talk some very interesting things happened right before the talk. I wanted to share that experience with you and then, hopefully, extrapolate the lessons that I learned from that experience. The talk, if you've heard it, is a compilation of these short, philosophical videos and sound bites that I've created over the years that are related to eyes.
I started this YouTube video segment years ago that I called CHIASMA. The name chiasm comes from the optic chiasm, which is in our brain. It's where the two optic nerves meet. Chiasm, in general, means two different thought patterns or processes coming together. For me in CHIASMA, it was eye care information and education mixing with or connecting with philosophy. If you've known me, I like philosophy, especially stoic philosophy. I was combining philosophical quotes and theories and putting them together with our eyes. I made about six or so of these videos all about 1.5 minutes to 2 minutes long.
I took those plus a bunch of other content that I created specifically for the talk. I melded it all together in this ten-minute talk and because I'd created the content before, I was fairly comfortable with it. The organizers of the event, two very lovely people, husband and wife, George and Sheila Harjani, I rehearsed with them virtually through Zoom. I went over it very loosely, not very structured and strict about how I was coming across but making sure that the words and concepts were coming across properly. I felt that when I performed it in person, I'd be able to put that extra little umph or je ne sais quoi that makes it more presentable, comes across and resonates with the audience spoken in public. I felt like I could channel that and get it out there.
Through Zoom, I was casually saying, “Here's the talk. Let's go step by step.” They were happy with the way it was sounding and I was starting to get more confident. I've rehearsed this. I know the words. I've memorized it. It lands the way I want it to land. When I did this TED Talk, there were speakers from all over North America that were doing this so everybody lands a week of the event and what they do is they do in-person rehearsals a few days before the actual TED Talk or event.
Accepting Criticism: There were hundreds of people in attendance for the TED Talk, but most people, thousands of people, see it online so you have to convey the energy through the camera.
George had said to me, “Your talk is great. You're good. Don't worry about it but we do want you to come in and do an in-person rehearsal.” The talk was on a Saturday. He said, “Come in on a Monday. I'm confident that you'll be fine. We won't need you to come back. It’s just a formality. We want you to come and perform or rehearse in person. Other speakers are probably going to need to come back on Wednesday or Thursday to rehearse one more time after they've made some changes but for your talk, we should be okay.” I felt extra confident. I've got the backing of the organizer, the person who's put on multiple events like this. He’s a fantastic guy. He speaks the truth and would tell me if I needed to change something dramatically.
I walked into the rehearsal on Monday with all sorts of confidence like, “I got this. This is no big deal. I've memorized the talk. George, Sheila, and my wife like it,” although that's probably not saying a whole lot. That's not true. This is a lesson that I've shared. I've been very fortunate that my wife tells me very straight up about where I need to improve on things. I went to the rehearsal on Monday and there was somebody else there that I'd never met before. It was another organizer.
I did it a little bit more passionately. I tripped up a bit here and there. That was the first time I was rehearsing in person in front of someone I didn't know and somebody who'd never heard the talk before. I went through it and felt pretty good. I put an hour in the meter for my car. I parked the car out on the street. I was like, “An hour is more than enough.” I go in and chit-chat for 15 to 20 minutes and do the talk.
I don't remember the name of this other person who was there but after I was done with the talk, he sat there, looked at me and didn't say anything for a while. He then said, “Why are you doing this talk?” I was a little taken aback. I didn't know how to answer that question. He was like, “What are you trying to say in your talk?” I got a little bit more stunned. I was stuttering like, “I conveyed that I'm an optometrist. I'm passionate about eyes. I care about eye care. I want people to think differently about their eyes.” He was like, “I didn't get that in your talk.” I almost fell over. I was like, “I don't know how I could have conveyed that any more passionately or clearly in the last ten minutes that I was standing here talking to you.” He was like, “I don't see the point.”
Months later as I'm talking to you here, I’m still a little stunned and speechless. He was like, “Let's do it again. We're going to go through it a few times. Let's change some stuff. You got to have more passion. I'm not getting any passion from you. It's monotone.” That word floored me. I was like, “Monotone? I don't think I'm monotone in average conversation let alone trying to do a presentation like this.” He was like, “Your sentences are too long. I drifted off. I didn't connect.” I felt like I was being torn to shreds here instead of coming across here confidently. I was not landing at all.
I had all these different emotions flowing through my entire body at that moment but I said, “I have to go put more money in the meter for my car.” It gave me an excuse to go outside, get some fresh air and think about it a little bit. I came back and said, “You took it all apart. Am I supposed to redo the whole thing 4 or 5 days before this TED Talk and I've been rehearsing for the past couple of months?”
I tried my hardest to not retaliate or respond with any kind of negative feelings and simply thought, “This guy is an organizer. He has done this before.” He teaches the speakers. He brings them up so they can create these talks and present them so I had to take this man at his word that he was not trying to simply break me down but hopefully, help me to be better. I can't tell you the emotions that were running through me at that time.
The things that hurt the most are usually the things that are true.
We went through it again and again. It almost seemed like he was trying to make me look silly. He was like, “More passion. Pretend like your children are about to be eaten by a bear.” I was yelling through the walls trying to convey the passion. It felt a little strange but his point was trying to get me out of my comfort zone because ultimately, there were hundreds of people in attendance for the TED Talk but it's thousands of people who see it online so you have to convey the energy through the camera. That was the hard part.
Anybody who does any video type of stuff knows that you got to put ten times the energy to come across at the level that you'd like to come across on camera. He was trying to get me to do that. He said, “When are you coming back next?” Here I was thinking I only needed to put an hour in the meter so I could do this quickly and then go home and won't see him again until Saturday. I put a couple of hours in the meter and then he's saying, “When are you coming back next? We have to rehearse again.” I was like, “I have a lot of work every day until the presentation. I don't think I'll be able to come in the hours that you guys have here that you're rehearsing.” He was like, “You have to. You come in at 7:00 AM instead of 8:00 AM, 9:00 AM or whatever time we start.”
I came back on Wednesday at 7:30 in the morning ready to prepare. I rehearsed with all sorts of energy. Pam was watching me rehearse this night after night. Sometimes, she was like, “That's a little too much. You're trying to come across as an optometrist. You're not trying to shake the crowd. You're trying to come across as a professional educator.” I tried to take this man's criticism and use it constructively to improve the talk. I also tried to add some things without dramatically changing the talk. To make it connect and resonate with the audience, I added a story in there, which wasn't in there before. I thought, “Maybe this adds a little extra level of drawing people in.”
I went back on Wednesday morning and George, Sheila, this other man whose name I can't remember and another new person that I had not met before was sitting there. She seemed like a lovely lady. I introduced myself and they said, “Go ahead. The floor is yours.” I walked out and did the talk with all this extra energy. It was ten times more than what I had done on Monday.
I added the extra story in there. I put all this extra flavor in there and then when I was done, the man who was there on Monday nodded his head and seemed like he was content. I was quite surprised that he didn't have a whole lot to say but the lady, the new person in the audience was like, “What is the purpose of your talk exactly?” I looked at her and she was like, “I do not understand what the point of this whole thing is.” I couldn't believe it. She was saying the same thing that this other guy was saying on Monday. I was shattered, honestly. At that point, I thought, “It's so obvious that I'm an optometrist or an eye doctor trying to convey that I am passionate about eye care. I want people to think about their eyes differently.” She said, “I’m not getting that at all.” I was staring at her again, dumbstruck, dumbfounded and awestruck. I couldn't even say anything at that moment.
They continued to tear it down again and came to a point where they said, “It's too late for you to start from scratch.” I thought, “Start from scratch? I didn't realize it was that bad that I would need to scrap the entire talk.” This whole experience, as you can maybe imagine, shattered my competence in this. I was going in on Monday morning thinking I'm good. I need to rehearse a couple more times so I don't stumble on a couple of these words and I'm set. I’m hearing from people who are very experienced in this realm telling me that maybe I need to start from scratch three days before I'm supposed to give this big moment in my life on one of the most recognizable stages in the world.
A few days before I'm supposed to give this talk, hearing, “I don't get at all what you're saying here. It's not resonating at all. Perhaps you need to start from scratch,” blew my mind. I rehearsed a few more times and ultimately, we landed on, “You have to give this talk and we'll have to see how it goes.” They gave me some more constructive criticism like, “Cut this out. Add this.” They gave useful things in the sense of like, “Shorten some sentences. Some sentences are a little too long. Maybe cut them in half. Maybe do it this way. Do it that way. Reorganize it,” 3 or 4 days before I'm supposed to give this presentation from memory. There's no screen to read from. I thought there was going to be some prompt or teleprompter type of situation. It was all from memory. Also, I'm going to work that day and the next day and we have our family at home. I want to continue to be part of our normal family life.
Accepting Criticism: Invite that constructive criticism and then when you've heard it, absorb it and include it into your strategy and your process, but keep the things that you know you're good at, that you're confident in.
As you can tell, it has taken me ten minutes to try to explain this to you. It was a shocking experience. I went home and had to re-evaluate my whole process. I honestly meditated on it for a while. I concluded that before Monday, I was happy with the talk and felt confident with the content. I put this content out into the world before for the most part and I had received great feedback and constructive criticism on it.
In the past, I've received feedback on what landed and what didn't. I took out the thoughts that I thought maybe weren't going to land when I was on stage and I kept the things that I felt were good. I re-evaluated how I felt about it and ultimately, I decided I am confident enough in the content and in my ability to present it that I'm going to stick with 95% of what I have. I changed a few small things.
On Saturday, I got on stage, did the presentation and the talk. Thankfully, it landed very well. The crowd responded the way I was hoping they would respond. They were laughing at some points. You could hear some gasps almost at the points where I felt like I was hoping that would land. In the end, there was applause and a standing ovation, thankfully. It was one of the best feelings that I've had in my professional career to have this audience of hundreds of people standing there clapping and applauding me. I was ultimately very satisfied with the whole experience.
The point of this whole story that I'm telling you is there are the two lessons that I felt were important for me to draw and hopefully share with you here. One of them is you have to be willing to accept criticism. Throughout my career over the years, I've tried to get myself more comfortable with accepting criticism. I invite it. When I'm working with somebody new in a group or some other setting, I'm working with our association and perhaps working with other ODs or whatever it might be, one of the first things I tell people is, “Be 100% frank, transparent or honest with me. Be as blunt as you want to be but tell me the truth. If you think something's dumb and I'm not pulling my weight, I need to know.”
It hurts to hear that stuff sometimes. The things that hurt the most are usually the true things. We know this. When somebody says something about you and it stings, it usually stings because it has some merit to it. Whether they're trying to hurt you or trying to be constructive, the things that sting are the ones where you're like, “I know I'm falling short in that thing.”
The absurd things, you can laugh and be like, “That guy is off his rocker. He does not know what he's saying.” A lot of what was being said to me initially, I was shocked like, “What in the world?” When he was being constructive some things hurt. I wanted to be like, “I'm the optometrist. I know what I'm talking about,” but I had to think about the fact that he was coming from this perspective of an educator and a trainer in public speaking so I had to take his advice and change the way I worded some things.
I do feel that it helped me present those concepts more cleanly and succinctly, which is important. The first one is accepting that criticism and absorbing it. I took the time to go outside and get some fresh air. I took some time after the second meeting to meditate on it and think about it. It's important to accept constructive criticism, absorb it and put it into use.
You can’t learn something new if you think you already know it.
The second part is eventually, I decided I had to stick with what I had. I was confident enough with what I had done that I had to stick with it and that is sticking with your guns, knowing yourself and trusting yourself enough. I talked about this a little bit in the Eye2Eye: Activation Energy episode. I was talking about having the confidence to stick with the things that you know you're good at to keep building and getting better.
In this case, it’s having the confidence that what you have done is good. You know you're good at the thing that you're trying to do so you can step out in front of people and do it with confidence. If I didn't have that confidence, I would have been shattered after those two experiences and not have been able to step out on stage and present it with the energy that it needed to be presented with.
Taking that constructive criticism is the key takeaway from this experience. I wanted to share that with you. If you don't already invite constructive criticism, I encourage you to do it. In general, the best way to grow and be better is to push your limits and boundaries and step out of your comfort zone. When you invite criticism, you're stepping out of your comfort zone because somebody's going to tell you that there's something that you need to do better. In your mind, you might be thinking, “I'm already good at this,” but ultimately, you can't learn something new if you think you already know it.
When somebody tells you upfront or straight to your face that you're not good at this thing or this thing is not working the way you think it is, it's going to make you think about it differently and make you want to learn how to do it better so invite that constructive criticism. When you've heard it, absorb and include it into your strategy and process but keep the things that you know that you're good at and confident in so you can put out the best possible product. The product means your service, the way you treat your patients whether you're in sales, how you treat your customers or whatever it is. It's ultimately going to help you be the best at all of that.
I wanted to share that experience with you. It rattled me and changed a lot of the way I thought about this whole process. I hope you find something useful in there that will help you improve something that you do in your life as well. If you haven't heard the TED Talk, please check it out. It's on YouTube. I'd love to hear your thoughts on that as well. As always, if you found some value, please do share this. Take a screenshot, throw it up on your Instagram story or put it on LinkedIn. Do whatever you can. I appreciate all the support. I hope you enjoyed this episode of Eye2Eye. I will see you in the next full-length episode very soon.
Important Links
TEDx Talk – Eyes are the Window to the Soul